Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
