maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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