I want to have your abortion
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
