I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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