You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
