think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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