It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
