hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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