Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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