Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
