ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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