I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
