i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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