Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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