you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im holly from the hills drunk
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
we should paint friendship bongs
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
