I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
