You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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