And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
