Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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