how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm jealous of your bromance
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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