and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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