He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
