my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
