I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
