I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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