hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
MIDGETS
????
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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