I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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