I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
