The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
