i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
