She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
