You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
