this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
