is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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