I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
