In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
