flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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