just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
