it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
