Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
