This is not my ceiling
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
