So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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