Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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