Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
sex in a hospital.. check
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
