I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
