even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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