Im at strip club and am horny
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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