how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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