I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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