At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
pray to the hookup gods
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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